Bulimia evening

It’s not been a good year so far. This evening is nothing new. I’m quite stressed out, as it is exam season and I have an 8 hour practical next week and even though I have studied hard for it I feel woefully unprepared. Tonight my other half has gone to this photographers meeting in a pub, so I had the house to myself. There’s a cat that keeps coming round the flat, he’s adorable. Quite small, black and white, and noisy haha! I’ve named him Pippin, as he keeps wanting second breakfast:P

He was round again tonight, which was nice, as I was home alone, and am tired because I have spent most of my time lately at uni either studying or in the lab. Eating hasn’t been going great. I am either overeating or restricting. Today I skipped breakfast and had noodles at uni, and then in true bulimic fashion, I spent monies I do not have on food I did not need. When I came home and Mike had gone to the pub I ordered Domino’s. A small pizza, a garlic bread, cookies and (ironically) a diet coke. I ate it all in less than 5 minutes. And 5 minutes after that I purged it all out. And now I’m sat on the sofa, watching a really awful film, with stomach cramps, puke breath despite using mouthwash, a sore throat, slight cuts on my knuckles, feeling like an utter waste of space. At least Pippin likes me, he is currently curled up on the sofa next to me, guarding a teabag.

This time last year I was in the INR, ten kilo’s lighter. I dislike myself so much. I almost wish I was properly ill so I would have a real reason to feel this way…


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